The Song to Love’s Door

It was a very hot night and I couldn’t sleep. I hadn’t seen my boyfriend in several weeks, as we had decided to take a break after a bad fight. I was in a strange town, feeling lonely in the efforts to regain my self again, not being able to shake the strange sensation of singleness after being a part of a couple for so long.

I had work to do in this town, which was strong and good medicine for me, as it always is. Physical and engaging, teaching dance has always helped me focus and find my way back to center, corporally, psychologically, and spiritually. My days healed me, but the nights left me raw.

Just before dawn I decided to leave my hotel to walk, to feel my body in space, to try to stop my thoughts and the constant beat of my heartache. There was a sliver moon still, and I took to the street, not knowing where I was going but needing to wander. A church spire was there for the orienting if I needed it, and the town was small enough to keep me contained. I wanted to get lost, but not entirely.

There was a tune in my head that kept my thoughts away from my boyfriend and the dark sensation that this might truly be our final end. I focused on the wordless song, not knowing where it came from. It was a sort of folk melody, and I had no idea how it entered, seeping through my pores to calm me and create a rhythm for my walking.

Up ahead a cafe had just opened, and I walked inside. Sitting at a little table, I was the only one there. A woman came out, I ordered, and she brought me my tea. She then disappeared into the back where she turned on the radio, and the song that had been in my head began to play. I asked her what it was and she said she’d never heard it before.

I walked back to my hotel with this tune playing itself over and over throughout my body. I slept and when I awoke, the phone was ringing. It was my boyfriend, saying he’d heard a song that day that felt like it was coming from me, that he loved me, and that he wanted to follow the music to my door. When I asked him what the song was…

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