Gone are the days of private
conversations that implied that you were dining with someone special who
deserved your full concentration. Instead we are in the constant presence of an
aural battlefield that forces even the old guard to lift its voice in defense
against public enemy number one: the rising decibel level.
As someone who loves to dine, I'm finding it increasingly difficult
to eat out in public places. The appalling proliferation of shrill, piercing voices,
whose tonality cuts through space like the sharpest knife, puts an immediate
stop to any intimacy you wish to have with yourself
or your dining partner.
Vocal coaches speak of a chest
voice and a head voice when training singers, with these vocal paradigms
supported by the muscles of the diaphragm. Today, voices seem to come from the
adenoids, with the added insult that they are applied to sentences often ending
in question marks, even when they are statements. And these voices, like well
placed weapons of mass destruction, have the ability to cut through distance
and loud restaurant music as they compete for attention.
Where did this tonality come
from? Why does it usually originate in 20 and 30 year old women? Why haven’t
parents or teachers addressed the phenomenon? Just listen to many of the stars
of the new TV shows, or even young newscasters. Their voices are painful. What
happened to the celebration of a husky, sensual, or just a plain old normal
voice? When I asked a pair of twenty-something women if they could hear how
high and oddly pitched their voices sound, they said they knew they spoke too
loudly, but didn’t understand what I was saying about tone. When I gave them an
example between theirs and a pitch more naturally placed, they asked how they
could achieve this. I said, go to a vocal coach, or ask yourself if you’re
trying to please someone (a man?) and stop!
There was a time when people desired privacy. But of course,
that was before the ascent of the cell phone and feeling like you needed to
yell to be heard. And then came reality TV where everybody feels that they now deserve
more than fifteen minutes of fame, wherever and however they can find it.
The extreme need to be heard
without listening is creating a rampant insensitivity to others. The rise of ‘Social
Media’ instead of “sociability” is killing the soulfulness and authenticity
that should be the essence of conversation between friends, lovers, and even
adversaries. Bad enough that many people feel their lives are validated through
tweeting or posting on Facebook, instead of being truly present in the moment.
Now those of us who wish to enjoy living out in the world are being forced
inside by a new universe where conversation has become transaction and self-promotion.
And of course this happens not just in restaurants, but everywhere that the new
public gathers.
I propose to create a
counterculture that campaigns for greater sensitivity. Let’s hear it for the
modulated voice that celebrates give and take, understanding and empathy, being
present in the moment, putting ego aside, and best of all… intimacy.
For The Lioness Gazette
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